Written by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist
Somatic Sexologist Alice Child explains top handjob techniques, and gives her top tips for giving yourself or your partner an incredible handjob.
This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored support, please book in a session.
It's all about staying present, following your curiosity, and finding the right touch, rhythm, and techniques that work best for you and your partner. Mix things up and don't do the same old 'up and down' technique every time.
Unlock the Secrets to a Mind-Blowing Handjob
Whether you're exploring new techniques or fine-tuning what you already know, a great handjob can feel amazing and can be great foreplay or the main event!
It's all about staying present, following your curiosity, and finding the right touch, rhythm, and techniques that work best for you and your partner. Mix things up and don't do the same old 'up and down' technique every time.
Keep reading to discover tips and techniques to give a mindblowing handjob that tries new things and feels amazing.
Tip 1: Non-erect penises love touch too!
Great sex doesn’t require a full erection. In fact, letting go of that pressure can make the experience even better. Instead, focus on enjoying the penis at any stage of arousal.
The penis can be at its most sensitive when it’s about 60-70% erect. At this stage, the nerves are super responsive, making sensual touch feel incredibly pleasurable.
So, don’t stress about getting a full erection. Explore and enjoy the sensations at various stages of arousal. This more relaxed approach can help reduce performance anxiety and also helps people overcome erectile dysfunction.
Try This: Soft Cock Massage
Non-erect penises love touch too. Explore the sensations with a soft cock massage: hold, wiggle, and gently squeeze the shaft. Use your fingertips or the flat of your palm (with lube!) to stroke in all directions—down, to the side, and underneath.
Tip 2: Don't forget about the balls!
Ball play can be incredibly pleasurable for many people because the testicles are packed with nerve endings and are extremely sensitive.
Some techniques:
Massage Strokes: Gently rub and caress the area.
Cupping/Holding: Use your hand to lightly cup and hold the testicles.
Lightly Caressing: Use your fingertips to stroke them softly.
Gentle Pulling: Apply light, gentle pulls for added sensation.
Blowing Warm or Cool Air: Experiment with different temperatures for a new sensation.
Try This: Ball Caress
Hold both testicles gently between your thumb and forefinger, creating a soft circle with one hand. Use the fingertips of your other hand to lightly stroke the sensitive area. The results can feel electrifying and increases arousal, blood flow and sensation.
Tip 3: Change your grip
Add some variety to handjobs by experimenting with different grips. Most men use quite a strong, firm grip with one hand on their own penis during masturbation, so you can ask them to show you the kinds of pressure and grip that feel great to them.
That said, variety is the spice of life, so here are two different grip techniques you could also try:
Two-Handed Grip: Use both hands to wrap around the shaft, moving them up and down together with your fingers locked. This technique creates a fuller sensation and stimulates the whole shaft and so can be incredibly intense and stimulating.
Cockring Grip: Place your thumb and forefinger around the base of the shaft, while using your other hand to stimulate the rest. This method provides a sense of pressure and tightness, and allows you to simultaneously stimulate the shaft and balls with your free hand.
Tip 4: Get to Know the Anatomy
Understanding the most sensitive parts of the genitals can help you focus your attention where it counts. Here are the key erogenous zones to include for an exceptional handjob:
The Head (Glands) of the Penis - the most sensitive part, but always use lube!
The Corona (Ridge) of the Head - try lubricating a finger and circling it around the edge
The Frenulum - a lubricated finger or tongue feels great here
The Underside of the Shaft - the most sensitive part of the shaft
The Balls - never neglect them
The Perineum - the skin between the penis and the anus is very sensitive and love massage/pressure
The Foreskin - can be moved up and over the sensitive head of the penis for a great sensation
The Anus - a huge erogenous zone that can be incorporated (with consent!) into a great handjob
Try this: Rainbow Technique
Use the palm of your hand to make a sweeping, rainbow-like motion over the underside of the shaft and over the head of the penis. This motion stimulates the underside of the shaft and the frenulum—two of the most sensitive spots.
Tip 5: Not Everyone Likes It Super Slow
While many people appreciate a slow, teasing build-up with varied touches, this isn’t always the case. Some individuals might find slow foreplay to be a turn-off. If you're unsure about what your partner prefers, don't hesitate to ask!
Try this: Firestarter Technique
For those who enjoy a bit more intensity, use plenty of lube and move the palms of your hands on either side of the shaft, as if you’re trying to start a fire. This can feel really intense (in a good way!)
Tip 6: Use great lube
Lube always elevates a handjob experience because it enhances sensitivity and sensation. It also reduces friction meaning certain techniques that would be uncomfortable without lube become possible and very pleasurable (eg the twist and firestarter!).
Keep lube handy by the bed and reapply as needed throughout. For added sensation, warm up the lube before use. The warmth helps increase blood flow, arousal, and relaxation.
Try this: The Twist Technique
Apply a generous amount of lube and use your fingertips to gently brush over the highly sensitive head of the penis in a twisting motion. This technique maximizes pleasure and minimizes friction, thanks to the extra lube.
Tip 7: Stay Present and find a rhythm
While variation can be exciting, many people need consistent rhythm and stimulation to reach a high level of arousal. Pay close attention to your partner’s body language and stick with the rhythm or motion that’s working well.
Look for signs of enjoyment like moaning, sighing, hip rocking, shaking, or quickened breathing. If you’re unsure, just ask!
Try this: The ‘Constant Up’ or ‘Constant Down’ Technique:
Using two lubricated hands, hold the base of the shaft with one hand and move it up and off the top. Before removing it, start the same motion with your second hand. Continue this rhythm in a way that feels good for you both.
Tip 8: Try Edging
Edging involves bringing your partner close to orgasm, then reducing stimulation, speed, or pressure (or even stopping touch entirely) to bring them back down. Repeating this process a few times can lead to a more powerful and intense final orgasm.
By building anticipation and prolonging the pleasure, edging can enhance the overall experience and can result in a more satisfying climax.
If you’re interested in exploring this technique, I recommend trying Game 9—Show and Tell Edging—in Pillow Play, my online sex and intimacy game for couples. This game encourages you and your partner to explore each other's bodies and perfect the technique of edging. This game helps you build arousal and help you integrate edging into your handjob technique for heightened pleasure.
Tip 9: Talk!
If you're unsure, check In!
Communication is key! It's okay to ask what they like, what touches they enjoy, and what feels good for them. Remember, every body is different—what feels amazing to one person might be uncomfortable for another.
Encourage your partner to show you what kind of touch they enjoy. It can be easier for somebody to SHOW you what they like rather than try and put it into words.
Tip 8: Don’t chase the Orgasm
Rather than fixating on achieving orgasm or making it the end goal, focus on giving and receiving the best pleasure possible. Fixating on orgasm can add unnecessary pressure - and pressure is never sexy.
Instead, encourage your partner to lie back, relax, and enjoy the experience without pressure. Erections and orgasms are welcome - but they are not needed to have a great handjob experience.
Best,
Alice x
Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.
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