Reviewed by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist
Somatic Sexologist Alice Child explains the importance of aftercare and shares her top tips on how to practice it.
This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored support, please book in a session.
Aftercare is an important part of sex; it’s keeping that connection strong and getting your emotional & physical needs met - even after the moment’s over.
What is Aftercare?
Aftercare is a term that originally came from the BDSM scene where intense physical and emotional experiences can have a big impact on people mental and physical health. Aftercare became a way to describe the mental, emotional, and physical care people need after sex to help them reconnect and feel supported.
Even if your sex life isn’t 'kinky' the chemicals released during sex can leave you feeling amazing, but also vulnerable or emotional. This is especially true for people who have had traumatic past sexual experiences, or have been raised experiencing a lot of sexual shame or guilt.
Aftercare is about being open with each other about what you each might need to feel balanced- emotionally, sexually, mentally and physically - and helping each other meet those needs so that everyone feels fulfilled and happy after sex.
It’s also about checking in emotionally since it’s not uncommon to feel emotional after sex. If you know you have a tendency to feel vulnerable or cry after sex, it’s important to let your partner know this ahead of time, so you both feel prepared and know what you need in those moments.
Aftercare can be as simple as a cuddle and a chat, or grabbing a towel or a glass of water for your partner. It’s these small acts that show you care and create a sense of safety, trust, connection and intimacy.
And aftercare isn’t just for couples! It’s important after a one-night stand or casual hookup, too. Since you don’t know your partner as well, checking in with questions like “How was that for you?” or “Do you need anything?” can help to make sure everyone’s feeling great.
Don’t forget to ask for what you need! You deserve to feel good both physically and emotionally after sex, no matter the relationship status.
The Benefits of Aftercare
Aftercare is a chance to take a moment to soak in the experience and connect with each other. It helps you remember and enjoy the moment longer, strengthening your relationship and building trust. It can also be a great time to debrief and learn.
After sex, you're often already feeling good and connected, making it the perfect time to talk about what worked and what you liked, so you can keep learning and try even more new things! Skipping this step is like going through yoga without being present — you miss out on all the good stuff!
Some benefits of aftercare:
Building safety and trust
Overcoming sexual shame and guilt
Healing sexual trauma or past negative experiences
Reducing anxious attachment
Building intimacy and connection
Reduces anxiety and emotional vulnerability
Physical comfort and connection
Better communication (in and outside the bedroom) and how to talk about sex
Understanding your own sexual needs and desires
Feeling valued and heard
Prolongs the experience to fully savour it
Clearer understanding of each other's needs
Ideas for trying new things
Ideas for exploring new fantasies
Happier and more fulfilling relationships
How to Practice Aftercare
Wondering how to get started with aftercare? It’s simple: just think about what you need after sex. Your body and mind usually know what will help you feel safe, loved, and connected.
If you’re not sure what kind of aftercare your partner needs, just ask! It might feel awkward at first, but talking about it is a great way to deepen your emotional intimacy. Aftercare is about whatever makes you feel cared for and comforted in that moment.
It’s not just about the person who’s “expected” to do the aftercare. It’s nice when both partners help each other out. Instead of one person taking care of everything, why not do it together? Little rituals like these can help you stay connected and make aftercare feel even more meaningful.
Here are some ideas to try:
Cuddles
Debrief - e.g. "What was your favourite moment?”
Take a shower together
Rehydrate and have food together
Verbal reassurance and affirmations - e.g. “I’m here for you”
Take a nap or sleep together
Watch a movie
Slow kissing
Gentle massage or sensual touch
Acts of service – e.g. running a bath or getting a towel
Spend quality time together without phones
Aftercare is a great way to deepen your connection and emotional intimacy after sex. Taking a few minutes to check in can make your experience more fulfilling and help you both feel more supported. Next time, take a pause and think about what you need to feel good, it might just make all the difference!
Best,
Alice x
Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.
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