Why is Holiday Sex so Great?

Written by Alice Child, Somatic Sexologist

Somatic Sexologist Alice Child explains the science behind why sex on holiday can be so much better that at home, and how to have better, more connected intimacy at home.

This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored advice, please book in a session.

Understanding the rhythm of your partner's life can be a game-changer when it comes to intimacy.

It's surprising how often I hear things like, "The best sex I've ever had was in Bali," "The only time sex isn't painful is on holiday," or "We only have sex when we're on holiday".

So what's going on here?!

Why is sex on holiday so much better than at home?

Good holiday sex perfectly demonstrates the dual control model of human arousal and libido, balancing desire and chemistry. While on vacation, we often activate more of our 'erotic accelerators' and leave lots of our ‘erotic brakes’ at home.

What is the dual control model for human arousal?

Think of arousal and desire like a car. Imagine that in any moment, you have various things on your accelerator pedals and other things on your brake pedals.

Your accelerators are what turn you on, connecting you to your body, your partner, and your sexuality. On the other hand, your brakes are what turn you off, disconnecting you from your sexuality, body, sex drive, or partner.

When there are more accelerators than brakes, it's easier to ignite desire, build arousal, and experience pleasure. Conversely, when brakes outweigh accelerators, getting in the mood for sex can be challenging and often leads to a dry spell where sex feels completely off the table

What are common 'erotic brakes' at home?

Life can be hectic and full of erotic brakes than can stop couples from having great sex, such as:

• Work stress

• Tiredness

• Excessive screen time

• Parenthood

• Not enough time for yourself

• Anxiety and mental health concerns

• Physical health issues or pain

• Household chores

• Conflicts and arguments

• Feeling in a rut / sex feeling like a chore

• Messy house / dirty sheets

• Mismatched libidos

What are common 'erotic accelerators' on holiday?

When we go on holiday, we unintentionally bring along many of our accelerators, such as:

• Sunshine and time in nature

• Delicious food and wine

• Moving your body, walking, swimming, dancing, exercise

• Adventures and exploring new places

• Big comfortable beds and clean sheets!

• Room service

• Novelty and newness

• Lots of beautiful quality time with your partner

• And/or self care / time for yourself

According to Jack Marin in The Erotic Mind, novelty and newness are powerful aphrodisiacs. Many people’s most memorable erotic experiences involve some form of newness, so being in a new environment can significantly increase your sex drive.

Even if you're not in a relationship, a holiday can activate your personal accelerators, allowing you to fully embrace and enjoy more spontaneous and carefree erotic encounters than you might feel comfortable doing on your home soil.

Top tips for how to have holiday sex at home

Life is too short to limit great sex to just holidays. I encourage my clients to find ways to create a "holiday mode" at home. Here are some tips to help achieve that:

1. Create holiday mode at home with daily intimacy and rituals

Carving out time for daily connection can transform your relationship. Try making your morning goodbyes or after-work greetings more meaningful. Turn these everyday moments into rituals that enhance intimacy—a hug, a kiss, or a sweet text can make all the difference.

Couples therapist John Gottman has found that couples who dedicate at least six hours a week to quality time and shared rituals experience greater connection, communication, and passion. So, make those daily gestures count!

2. Talk about your brakes/accelerators

Ask each other - what accelerators work for us on holiday and how can we recreate some of that energy in our own space? And what breaks tend to get in the way of us being erotic and how can we manage those as well? Prioritise intimacy and connection in your daily life to keep the spark alive.

Questions you might think about::

• What frame of mind do I have when we come home from work?

• What energy do we both bring home with us?

• What might we both be needing to transition into a more connected mindset?

• When do we ever currently have time for just us?

• When do we ever have time for just ourselves?

• What physically in our space helps us relax (eg lighting, no phones, music, clean space etc)

• What are we both craving more / less of?

• What get's in the way of us feeling connected day to day?

• What makes us both feel desired by each other?

For a fun way to explore each other’s turn-ons and turn-offs, try Game 3 in Pillow Play (my online sex and intimacy games)—'Breaks/Accelerators Quiz'. It's a quick, fun, Q&A game that helps you and your partner discover what truly ignites and dampens your desire.

3.  Learn each other's love languages

Learn each other‘s love languages, and help each other feel wanted and appreciated - every. single. day. Remember the love languages are:

• Quality time (without phones/screens!)

• Acts of service (aka thoughtful gestures)

• Words of affirmation (eg saying I love you/ compliments)

• Gifts (and the thought that goes behind them)

• Physical touch (including but not limited to intimate and erotic touch/kisses/cuddles)

Feeling ‘needed’ doesn’t ignite passion—feeling desired and wanted does. Remember - foreplay is the whole relationship.

4. Keep adventuring

When was the last time you learned something new together? Embrace novelty and newness—these are powerful aphrodisiacs. Keep exploring new activities in life, not just in the bedroom. Be playful, explore your fantasies, go on adventures, try Pillow Play, and spice things up together.

5. Plan date nights

Make sure to schedule quality time for date nights or date days. Plan outings that are fun, connective, and new. Remember, novelty is not just the spice of life—it's also rocket fuel for attraction.

Looking for fresh ideas for your date nights? Download Pillow Play—my sex and intimacy games designed for couples!

6. Kiss like you mean it

Don’t settle for quick pecks when saying good morning or good night. Let your kisses and touches linger and carry meaning. While a cute peck is nice, make sure it's not the only way you show affection.

Relationship Therapist John Gottman suggests a 6-second kiss every single day. This type of kiss has real potential—it's long enough to convey something meaningful. Remember, kisses and touch are a language of their own. What are you expressing to your partner without words?

7. Initiate sex with seduction

Don't take each other for granted or fall into lazy habits when it comes to initiating sex. Everyone wants to feel sexy, wanted, desired, and attractive. And maintaining attraction in a long term relationship can take effort.

So seduce each other - even in long term relationships. When you initiate sex, consider not just your own needs but also what helps your partner get in the mood.

8. Prioritise yourself

Forget the idea of ‘two becoming one’. Great attraction and chemistry thrive on a bit of distance and mystery. Make an effort to give each other space and respect solo time.

Focus on what makes you feel sexy and confident, and make those things a priority. Encourage your partner to do the same. Often, it’s the qualities that make your partner different from you that first drew you to them.

Best,

Alice x

Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.